&

And so, quick post before an amazing shower.

2011-06-01T14:30:00.002-04:00

Not that many people were even reading this blog (HI DREW, ily), but the past two weeks have been a blur of awesome and busy, so keeping up with a casual blogging routine was really hard. So, um, I didn’t.

My routine consisted of: getting up at 7 (well, it started out that way and eventually it became waking as late as possible to still shovel breakfast in and go to class); eating at 8:30; class from 9 until 1; a quick hour for lunch (greek salad or turkey sammiches); class from 2 until 6. Generally after that we were pretty freakin tired, there were a few movie nights where we ate greek pizza and watched greek movies, but it was free time. I was usually in continuing the work I started when I was in class. I’m a slow worker. Or rather, a perfectionist, ahuhuhuhuhu.   When we didn’t have class in the morning however, my nights were fantastic (though not every night, mom I promise). Two nights in particular stand out to me. The day we went sailing instead of painting was amazing. We sailed the Aegean, water that was ridiculously clear amongst beautiful landscapes and with a group of girls I simply loved and would only grow closer to in the weeks remaining (for the most part anyways, but let’s not get into that). Agios Ioannis was breathtaking. That night we went out for the first time. We hit up our favorite place (pictures to come of our adorable waiter). We brought the party to La Costa, a bar on the harbor which played great music. The bartender there nicknamed me Grey’s Anatomy and she was just one of the coolest sweetest women ever, I’ll see you and your puppy again Margarita, I swear it. She took care of us. I’ve been 21 for a while now but I had never really taken advantage of that? I’ve learned about painting, sketching, watercolor, bookmaking, and drinking whilst here. The moment I arrived on the island I was handed a glass of wine, I think that was just a sign of everything to come.

Anyways, we danced and had drinks and peed a million times. It was just a beautiful experience. Then we stumbled our way back up the crazy steps and hills and alleys to our apartments, somehow.

The other night was similar. We pretty much split into two distinct groups and my roommate and I went out for another night but were sad that we didn’t have the whole crew to do the same sort of thing that we had before. But we were determined! We hit up Vtokos, a place that had recently opened. It was not too far from La Costa, but it seemed much more of a hang out place and people were just chatting and that’s not what we wanted. The other group was there though and they had gotten to know a lot more of the locals so we met a whole slue of really nice people.

My roommate met someone in particular. Uh, we couldn’t get rid of him, haha, gooood memories. But really, he was a creep by the end of it and I wanted to punch him but instead just told him off and ditched him when we hopped a ride back home.

I met someone I fell in love with that night, not in the sense that I’d leave my boyfriend and run off to Greece (I do want to run off to Greece though). He was just one of the most interesting people I had ever met, he had us cracking up the entire night. He was the bartender inside and he came to hang out because the place was closing. I can’t even describe it. His relationship with the other guys that the group was friends with was obvious so they made lots of jokes. He was such a horrible influence. He was constantly cursing. That dude that wouldn’t leave my roommate alone played football on the island and he bought shots for everyone except for him, “You can’t have any! Shut up, you’re playing tomorrow! Fuck you!” But toss in an accent tinged with multiple countries and you can maybe get and idea about what he was like. He only knew us for like fifteen minutes and he was telling us to shut up. It was GREAT.

Cursing like a sailor, having hilarious dry humor, smoking constantly, and dressed in that European metro style where you can’t tell if he’s straight or otherwise, he was fantastic. I could keep him in my pocket to narrate my life and make commentary forever. I bet he has the coolest wife and kids. We didn’t get to see him again but our entire group is just constantly saying, shutup!fuckyou! I’m sure he would be proud. We hit up a place called Raise, everyone from the bar moved there pretty much. It was a great club. I danced for a long time, once we managed to get rid of creepy soccer player, we made our way home and watched the sun rise for the second night in a row. I pulled an all nighter painting the night before, napped here and there, had my critique, ate delicious dinner, watched the Barcelona v. Manchester game with the whole damn block on the harbor whilst sipping mojitos (amazing, I can’t even begin to tell you), went back up to nap a little more and drag my roommate out of bed (she had also pulled an all nighter) to dance and drink free alcohol. Shut up! Fuck you! Great night! Slept from 7 to 1 and went to the most beautiful beach, ever. Life there in one word: great.

There are more things I want to type up but that was just a quick synopsis of my favorite two nights. I’ve had the most amazing time. The people on that island, the entire life there, is too beautiful for words. I didn’t want to watch us depart, when I was on the ferry I sat with the blinds closed and slept the entire ride, I woke up when we reached the mainland and my heart was broken. I stepped out groggy, dragging my stupid luggage which is slowly but surely dying, and what I saw, which just two weeks prior had been amazing and charming, was awful to me. It killed me. We drove back into the main parts of Athens and every kilometer was more soul crushing then the last. It’s not Skopelos. I wanted to go back so desperately.

I want to wake up and step out into a sea breeze, roosters crowing, cats meandering onto my balcony, throwing on a pretty sundress and sandals, creating art, eating delicious healthy simple dishes, enjoying cocktails, enjoying life the way only that place can have it. I want to go to the beach every weekend, beaches that are untouched by the horrible tourist nonsense that pollute every beach in the states, the water clear enough to see every detail of the pebbles and sand between your toes. The sun is strong and hot, draining as we napped. I don’t know if I’ve ever enjoyed simply napping on the beach like that. Then we would get up, walk to a taverna with a view and enjoy a greek beer (refreshing like nothing else I’ve ever had) before the taxi driver we asked to come pick us up would do so. Shit, I’m in love with that place. I really am.  But I’m back in Athens now and I go back to the United States on Friday. My complete disinterest in the city was made worse as tourist season is beginning to pick up. Our first few days here were lovely and awe-inspiring, there were tourists but now there are really tourists. They’re everywhere. The restaurants are overflowing and the streets are super busy.

We traveled to Mycenaea today amongst many other adorable places, it was a blast even if it was long and draining. I was back into that mode of: holy shit, I learned about this in class and now here it is I AM TOUCHING ANCIENT ROCKS AHHHHH. It was flippin amazing. Driving back though I’ve taken up that appreciation again, the one I had started out with when we first got here. It’s a city and has it’s quirks and it’s awesome, it’s a combination of ancient and new and of people from all over. People are a little less friendly though, understandably, tourists are beginning to overrun Plaka and it only gets worse from here. I honestly can’t even imagine that.

I still don’t want to go home. I love my family but my life was reaching a point where I was bored. I did the same stuff all of the time. Always. The only way to change that I suppose is to continue what I started here. I decided I was going to make this trip and I made it happen, it was my doing. I was determined. I just have to be determined for everything else to add the spice in my life. Woah, almost a Spice Girls reference right there. Next year I would love to come back to that island, I really, really would. Ideally, I’d come back with my favorite person in the world so I could share the experience with him as well. Then we never leave, ahuhuhuhu. I’d also really like to see Italy. Then I’m going to graduate school. I think I’ve decided what I want to do. And rather than be unsure, I have to be confident and decisive. On that note, my summer will continue to be amazing. He’s coming to visit me next month, or the one after, dunno, but it’s happening. And I’m going to go in August. I’ve already decided. I have to look at schools.

I’m going to continue to paint. I’m going to continue to be happy. This was exactly what I needed, even if it has made me a total beach snob.

Day 3

2011-05-15T02:10:00.001-04:00

You know you’re somewhere remote when your laptop can’t find a single wifi link, not even a tiny faint one that’s password protected.

I can manage though, today has been long, but spectacular.
The view from my window more than makes up for it.

After waking up bright and early and hauling my giant suitcase down the tiny claustrophobic elevator (which hates Jessi and I, I might add, it’s a long story), we hopped on a bus and drove past Marathon and Thebes (ffff so cool) and began our adventure to where we are going to spend the majority of our stay here in the beautiful country of Greece. It was a long bus ride but every time I woke up from little moments of sleep I was greeted with fantastic sights.

Greece is so very green, vegetation here is simply luscious, dotted with wild flowers red and yellow and purple. The weather has been no less then perfect, not too hot and not too cold. The water, oh good god, the water is blue. Just, blue. In fact near the shores where you can see the pretty rocks on the ocean floor it seems almost turquoise. From my seat in the back of the bus I could see the fish under the shallow waters. The waves are gentle except when rocked by adorable sail boats and fishing vessels. All of it hugged by expanses of mountains and olive trees.

We took a ferry to Skopelos and it was actually pretty snazzy though slightly uncomfortable, not helped by the fact that because I wanted a window seat I opted for a seat that was getting directly hit by the sun. It was WARM. Along the way I was just amazed with the lovely sights while I nibbled on Greek potato chips and distilled water that seems to be the norm here. When we finally got to the island after several hours (the ferry made a few steps prior to ours) I couldn’t help but giggle to myself: my life is so cool right now, gad damn.

The town we pulled into was just adorable, and I had thought that the ones we had seen prior were nice, maybe it’s because we were greeted by open arms and smiling faces and just, a loud and excited welcoming party that made the difference.

I honestly can’t explain how lovely this place is.

They plopped our suitcases on a truck and hauled them away to our hotel and we all went grocery shopping. We needed food for two weeks!

Definitely didn’t plan for that at all and neither of us brought too much money, but we managed! Our initial reaction was simply, meh we can just come back when we need more stuff. But after the trek by car my opinion of that was swayed, but we’ll do it if need be. We need to explore anyways, we’ll make an afternoon of it and go out to eat some souvlaki and drink and then make our remaining purchases. Whether or not we make it through the winding roads and steep climb back is anyone’s guess though. It didn’t seem that far up initially but I was probably desensitized because we only just climbed the acropolis and then the marketplace and back to our hotel in Plaka and it wasn’t as far as it seemed.

We made adorable purchases for our meals. The foundation only provides large group meals and breakfasts. Everything else is up to us.

Olive oil is officially going to be one of my cooking staples when I get back to the US. Nice crusty bread dipped in olive oil and vinegar is heaven. And salads. And just everything, hot damn.

Our rooms have the most amazing view. I’m waking up to the sea, an expanse of blueblueblue that just seems to extend forever. Our accommodations are really nice and a lot better then I was expecting and I was just spazzing over the views and the smells and the delicious breeze from the water. That and our adorable groceries.

Our studios are right up the street and god that place is spectacular as well. The same classic white walls and red tiled roofs that mark the entire town so distinctively, the same views, and we have the entire enormous space all to ourselves! There’s just 11 of us total, I believe.

We’re all pretty much in awe of this place. It was one thing to be in the city, a city with the acropolis looming overhead (spectacular), but life on an island is so different from anything that I have ever experienced. There aren’t views like that back home.

Anyways, after the day we were all pretty tired but we have a big amazing dinner (I ate lamb, are your proud of me mom?) and we all drank and talked and enjoyed each others company. I had my first hard liquor, something that was similar to ouzo, very strong and very giggle inducing (not so proud of me, mom?). I would have just stuck to sipping wine (I like white more than red) but our host insisted. It was so yummy.

The wine is okay, paired with olives (from the garden, can you imagine?) is pretty alright. But the drink was minty and licorice-y and it warmed my mouth and throat. Ahhhh, we’re not really allowed to have harder drinks from the bars because they’re generally not very high quality at all, but that was so tasty.

We stayed up late and got up early, breakfast is at 8:30 and Jessi and I woke up early to get to the studio. I enjoyed a spinach and feta cheese pastry and a small bowl of greek yogurt with walnuts and honey and raisins. And a cup of coffee and some apricot nectar. I am most certainly going to change my diet to more greek like when I get back home (not that I EVER want to leave this beautiful place).

Day 1 & 2

2011-05-13T16:58:00.003-04:00

Traveling to Greece

Two days without sleep and not knowing at all how long you have or have not been traveling due to multiple time skips (I AM A TIME LORD), dinner with my family (chicken tenders! and it was adorable but also kind of sad because I am so used to being with them for EVERYTHING and now I was leaving them omg). Then off off off, and then I was in a different country, a different world! (It was France). And then later after a short transfer and a very long and very interesting conversation with a very interesting woman who sat next to me (in several languages, I might add), I saw the amazingly clear blue waters of the Mediterranean.

I traveled from Washington DC, we left the house 5:30 for my 9:50 PM flight, I didn’t arrive in Athens until 4:30 PM.  
We were tired and hungry, to be honest I don’t really think I slept all that much on the initial cross Atlantic flight. I did manage to watch two movies, The Black Swan and the Kings Speech, and I still had plenty of time left to have fitful snippets of sleep.

The second half of the flight didn’t take long at all and I actually learned a great deal of things and have decided that I am going to make a conscious effort to be more positive and forward thinking. My current adventures happened because I decided it was going to. I said, nope, I’m going to do study abroad. I’m going to go to Greece. I’m not going to miss out on this amazing opportunity.

And I didn’t.

We’ve spent two days in Athens, tomorrow we leave bright and early to travel two hours by bus and one by boat to get to where we will spend the majority of our travels: the beautiful island of Skopelos.

I just finished, somehow, cramming all of my clothing into my carryon and ramming that into my main suitcase so that I can just travel with one thing to drag long and not two and a purse. All of my precious items are on me, I’ll carry them in my small backpack and everything else I have is in the suitcase. Somehow.

This city is spectacular. There is just something so amazing about this city where modern comforts are juxtaposed to ancient architecture that has stood proudly for many, many, MANY generations. The city is lively and colorful, the people are so friendly, the food is fantastic. Today, my little Nike shoes touched the soil of myths that inspired its very name.

I am currently EXHAUSTED.

We got up at 7 to eat the amazing breakfast buffet offered by the hotel, delicious, and then went on a guided tour from 8 and didn’t get back to the hotel until 4:30. We trekked our way through steep slopes and slippery stones up the acropolis. I didn’t cry like I said I would but I was deeply moved. It’s remarkable. I can’t even put into words the sort of respect I have for the place. I, just, goodness it was amazing.

We viewed the many sights there, as the Parthenon is not the only edifice, contrary to popular belief, and proceeded to the new museum. I unfortunately don’t have pictures of that because it wasn’t allowed. However, I assure you, it is lovely. I wish that there was more preserved for them to put on display.

Every time Greece digs for something, like their subway system for example, they find new archaeological sites. That is so beautiful.

Quick lunch with most of the group, um hello new favorite way to eat bread. Just dipped in olive oil and vinegar, and pasta just the way I love it, tossed in olive oil and gently seasoned and paired with sun dried tomatoes, onions, and olives, and with a little bit of cheese.

I also can’t stop stuffing my face with Tzaziki (sp for sure) and pita.

The food here is just too good.

Following lunch we were all still exhausted but we went down to the agora and the marketplace on foot. Greece is very green. And the people are incredibly varied, I love it. Eventually we were back at our hotel and my roomie and I, Jessi, don’t know how and ended up doing the same. Good location man, everything is connected.

I’m not going to detail every step just now. There was free time and fun hotel times and dinner (TZATZIKI) and more hotel fun times, evil elevators, and nighttime views of the acropolis, and of the city.

I’m having a blast, granted tomorrow marks the start of work since it IS a study abroad course. But it should be work that I enjoy.

In a country that I am loving, so much.

Hey blog, long time no see!

2011-05-10T03:39:00.000-04:00

I am a bad mother, but I will use you again because out of all of my resolutions the only one I earnestly kept was the one to try and travel and that is exactly why I want to use my blog again!

I want to post pictures of my upcoming summer, people want to live vicariously through me, for some reason (y'all crazy).

It looks like it'll, honestly, be the greatest summer I've ever had. A taste of all that's to come, I hope. I have study abroad, loads of projects, a class or two I want to take, a potential visit to South America, a potential visit from the boyfriend, and a 90% chance of a roadtrip across the US to meet said boyfriend's family. Let's hope gas prices don't keep up their current pace! I'm considering grad school and there are a few schools I'd like to visit as well, so that will happen, my brother is looking into universities as well, so there is that to look forward to as well. On top of that the both of us will be traveling to hear beautiful music quite often we've decided.

I've finished Junior year and I didn't have perfect attendance, far from it to be honest, and my grades were not perfect (but they were quite good), but the world didn't end, it all turned out rather well actually. I struggled with the semester but it wasn't really with difficulty of work. It was more struggling to find motivation and inspiration to get started on anything. I don't really know why, it was just something I couldn't bring myself to do. I knew exactly well that there were mountains of work that I had looming just around the corner and yet I still chose to ignore it all until I absolutely had to. Sure, I work great under pressure but I do believe that I could create even stronger pieces if I allowed myself the time.

Granted, a designer generally has caffeine in their veins and late nights will happen either way, but they'll be late nights with projects that are that much better.

Perhaps a change of pace this summer will do me good, I do feel like my life has gotten fairly stagnant and very routine.

I'm not the only student who was dealing with the same sort of issue, I think it's a combination of the season, Fall is usually more enthusiastic, and simply being burned out after three years of school. I haven't asked any of my Senior friends (well, they're not seniors anymore as of this past Sunday, CONGRATS LOVES, I'll miss you all so much), is it a common occurrence?

My goal is to fire up my creative instincts again and to immerse myself in projects I find thoroughly enjoyable, that's the summer plan! That and another summer of intense health!

I've had a lovely semester and the entire point of having a blog was to keep track of my life and be able to look back in loving embarrassment someday. Plus I had hopes of finding likeminded people. The summer before my senior year of college seems to be a good place to try to pick this all up again, changes are bound to happen in the comings months. There are so few things I'm sure about at this point for what I want from life, but I imagine that is a natural thing.

I'm not sure if I want to delete the old entries or not, I'm sure some of them will make me cringe. Current layout is temporary! I dig it and all and I needed a change from the last one I made, but I'll get around to it this summer.

Look forward to more posts!
More art! In all shapes and sizes!
And just, fun times to come.
Tomorrow I'll post the sketches from the week and the state of my packing.

2011-01-23T16:49:00.002-05:00

I AM HORRIBLE AT THIS.

I have been drawing and sketching, for fun and for school,
I just can't be bothered to upload it.

UM.

WHOOPS.

goals

2011-01-10T00:55:00.002-05:00

- 135, by the end of the year
- straight a's
- not a single absence
- blogging
- travel
- weekly sketches

a good year

2011 episode 1

2011-01-09T04:13:00.004-05:00

That other blog I wanted to do will currently be on hold, possibly indefinitely. Hopefully it'll pan out because it's something I really wanted to do.

In other news I am going to try and sum up any interesting things that I do more often; I didn't do an awful job of it for my first shot last year, but I lost track of it and fell out of the habit of writing anything except what was necessary. I used to love to write and read so much and those were great habits that I should pick up again!

I have this notebook hidden away in my room, I should get rid of it because it's pretty embarrassing. It's not a diary, far from it really, it was a fanfiction I had been writing. I set up this whole tale in the Harry Potter universe, it was awful. For whatever reason I was a Ginny and Draco lover and decided they were meant to be (though I'm sure we all know by now that that isn't the case). Ah, to be 13 again.

As usual there are goals that I want to set for myself after this new year and they're actually goals I can attain. Yeah, the usual healthy resolution is in play, I've fallen astray but I know I can hop back onto the right track and continue the beautiful and excited weight loss expedition. I want to be a better artist, I'm a lazy artist, I am awful at practicing and finishing things and I want to work on that. Overall I want to be able to pick up personal projects, be it illustration or otherwise, and finish them, push them to the point that I am satisfied and content with them, I want things I can be proud of. But I am god damn lazy sometimes when it comes down to it, it isn't even completely laziness, it's impatience.

After almost three years of school I know that coming up with a successful piece is something that doesn't happen immediately, it takes time and dedication, it takes thought and planning, more so then people realize. I want to work on this. I want to sketch if not daily then at least a few times a week slowly I'll become more comfortable with it, I know I will. So that's all I have, I'll keep a giant 10kby10k pixel canvas open in PS and pop it up whenever I'm bored or something. I also need to play around with Corel Painter which has a really nice feel but I'm not comfortable in. The creative suite makes me feel at home, and painter is a different world altogether.

Looking back at last year's resolutions I don't know just how successful I was. I did alright with the blogging for about half a year, I need to make it more interesting though. I just ramble forever about nothing. It's a personal blog, yeah, but even still. I didn't explore all that much last year, dislike! Though, I did visit New York for the first time (it's amazing and dwarfs my little beloved city). I wanted to make sure I put in full effort into everything I did and I think for the most part that went really well, again I sort of lost it by the second half. Last semester wasn't awful but it was certainly, grade wise, the most average marks I've ever received, in my entire life, ever. I want that perfect straight A's, for sure this year. My GPA is hanging on by a thread to that Dean's List and I need to give it a boost.

I said I wanted learn to love completely and I think I did achieve that, I let myself go and just allowed myself to love unabashedly. It's good, great, but at the same time man am I vulnerable.

In terms of the boyfriend I did say I was going to be more patient and more caring and I think I did okay at first, at this point I think I have been very patient and I don't care about him any less, I think the fact that I am still in the relationship shows just how much I care about him. Now that I look at it, I stopped blogging right after that major event, or rather, that lack of a major event, I don't know. I wrote up a few entries here and there that never got published but yeah I pretty much stopped at the end of August. That's interesting. Significant as well. I still can't even really talk about it because I get upset about it still.
I wish I was just in a normal relationship, by the end of the year I guess I'll know for sure whether or not it'll continue. We'll have to have a serious discussion and we'll have to have serious decision making by then. I had hoped we'd be further along at this point in time, that would make those upcoming big decisions much easier, but things do not always pan out how you want. I am being very patient, but I think there is only so much anybody can take, it sucks that there is this strain on the relationship because I feel just as strongly as I ever have about the two of us together in the future, about how nice it could be. It's going to reach the point where I'll have to make career decisions, life decisions, and whether or not we'll be making those together is to be seen. For now I will focus on the present though. Presently I want to sleep, so I'll upload the sketches, which is actually all I wanted to do at all. I'll type up an actual list of "resolutions" tomorrow, and maybe go more in depth about the relationship thing, but probably not, it's a difficult and complicated subject.

Good night.
These are awful.
I'm trying to figure out color, it's hard.
Click the thumbnail for a larger view!

2010-12-26T00:17:00.002-05:00

I'll probably do a year recap but I'll be retiring this blog I believe, especially since I haven't regularly posted in months.
I didn't do so bad and this was probably my best attempt at this entirely.
I do believe I'll be starting another blog, a joint one, with an actual theme next year though.
We'll see how that goes.

For now it's winter break and I'm enjoying being lazy, though there are some things I need to do.
I've got Netflix going nonstop, thank goodness for Instant Queue.

The end.

formspring.me

2010-11-14T19:51:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything! http://formspring.me/andthelma

2010-11-13T15:25:00.001-05:00

Originally uploaded by Atomoss

experiments

2010-10-18T12:56:00.002-04:00

i need to do more of these

bad blogging is baaaaad

2010-10-03T23:03:00.004-04:00

I haven't updated in such a long time!
It's not even that I haven't been writing, I have been, updating my life on my various online haunts and forums, chatting with people and just telling myself. Writing is always a means for me to figure out everything I have to do and everything that I have done. I just haven't gotten around to getting on blogger and updating this.
And that's not even entirely true because well, there are at least half a dozen entries that were started just never completed.
Bad Thelma, BAD BLOGGER.

School has started and I was slightly overwhelmed at first and for the first really just quite scared of the course load I had taken on. I'm fairly certain that's never happened to me before. It's mostly gone away because I'm a lot more comfortable with all of my classes now, not to mention that I happen to enjoy every class and every professor. The course work is still pretty intense though. I'm working on it. Finding a happy medium in it all.

It's pretty bizarre to think that midterms aren't that far off already!

Other than that there isn't too much to report. I hit my weight loss goal for the summer (albeit I was a little late) but regardless of the date I'm thrilled that I managed to do it. I don't think I've ever had such success. Now the thing is to keep it up, to keep the weight off and add to it. I'll pick a new goal soon, one to focus on beyond my long term goal of weighing 135. The huge number that I broke through is just a really big step for me and I vow to never cross this line again.

There's been some boyfriend trouble, there's been less sleep, there's been a cat show, there's been outings with friends, and there have been times where I was a REBEL and drove my car down to an empty tank (almost, I'm not /that/ ballsy), but all in all nothing too unsual or out of the blue. Just living, surviving. One project to another, one paper to the next.

I'll be graduating soon, time flies.

new books & boxes

2010-08-24T15:42:00.003-04:00

I've been trying to write a new blog forever, I have a bunch of one to two sentence beginnings, but something always gets in the way. Hahahaha.

And so, instead, here are some pictures from today:

I love new books, so much. This only gets me more excited for school to start in a few days! I can't wait!

I got three packages in the mail today, opening them and flipping through the books was amazing. I'm a nerd at heart and that'll never change. I love used books as much as the next person, and the history that each loved novel carries with it, but a crisp, clean book has a certain je ne sais quoi.

Hey, three years of french came in handy!

I got a package in the mail yesterday as well, it was from my sweetie. Inside there were the most delicious brownies ever. I can't make them like he does. I've tried. There was also a card, a cd, and a shirt. Gogol Bordello is great, but on top of it being a nice shirt, it's his shirt; I've seen him wear it, I remember him buying it at the show. It smells like him.

I fell asleep with this shirt in my hands, taking whiffs of the intoxicating scent as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I had just talked to him on the phone as well, he was tired, sick, and hopped up on antibiotics. He's feeling better today.

If I try hard enough it's almost like he's there with me.

If I pretend, it's almost like hugging him again. I remember the first time I did vividly, I was ridiculously anxious but seeing him was just such a rush. We held tight to each other for a very long time, I didn't want to let go, I buried my face into his shoulder for what seemed forever, he smelled wonderful.

I can't pinpoint what the smell is exactly, a mixture of whatever laundry detergent he uses (note to self: look into buying it), and his own scent, I suppose. It makes me happy. It's like he's almost here with me, even though he's not, he's far, far away, on the moon (In Los Angeles, in other words). I don't think I'll ever forget this smell, it's locked in my brain and stored for eternity.

He makes me happy, he makes me feel safe, he has taught me so much in our short year together, and I know I'll only spend many more years growing and loving this special person even more.

Happy Anniversary, Miguel.

let these words ring true

2010-08-15T02:16:00.001-04:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith ;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

-

And let me repeat them every time I feel the need to hold back what I want to let go,
what I need to let go.

liquid graphite

2010-08-12T14:03:00.004-04:00

Introducing The NEW Sharpie LIQUID PENCIL

I'm sorry but the nerd in me squealed, the artist swooned, and I just can't wait to go out and buy it to try it out.
That sounds absolutely amazing.

me and (mr) jooones

2010-08-07T11:12:00.001-04:00

I've got a crush on Tom Jones.
Don't judge me.

Am I odd enough yet?
I'm 20 years old and today all I've listened to is Tom Jones and Mozart.
Granted, I've only been up for an hour.
I have an odd taste in music (more like BEST TASTE HUHUHU).

Saturdays are the only days I get to sleep in (it's pretty great).
Won't be too much of that soon! I can't wait until school starts again.

For a long time it's the only thing I've been looking forward to.

It'll be my junior year, already, and I'm excited for everything I'll get to do and experience.
The classes I have include: Graphic Design Studio I and Illustration II, as well as General Psychology, Ethical Theory, and Ancient Greece and Rome. I'm so excited. ;_; <3

miguel the panther

2010-08-05T18:08:00.003-04:00

via msn messenger:

I say:
no really miguel im serious
i dont want my kids to have to go through being overweight
if they can develop healthy eating and lifestyles when they're young
they're more likely to continue them

miguel says:
well as long as we're not like
you know
realy strict
to the point of oppression

I say:
tofu cookies mmm
lmfaodgasg

miguel says:
if we give them healthy food
you have to explain why

I say:
because
you dont want to be fat
thats why
X:

miguel says:
tell them that

I say:
i actually plan on writing a book on it XD
a childrens book
heh

miguel says:
lmfao

I say:
about how you have to eat the foods that are best for you
and im using animals and stuff
i thought it up a few months ago
we have to make a childrens book in illustration II
aw yeah head start

miguel says:
miguel the panther
want cheeseburgers
mmmm cheeseburgers
but now he cant run fast
but hes happy being a fat panther
mmmm cheeseburgers
THEN HE DIED

I say:
XD

violins and things

2010-08-05T09:45:00.006-04:00

On Tuesday my mother and I, along with the musician, decided to check out the Potter Violin Company as we began our search for a new instrument.

My younger brother has been playing violin ever since I pushed him into it in 5th grade. I think being able to read music and play an instrument is very important and something that everybody should have the opportunity to do. It helps the brain, it's good for you, it keeps you sharp; I feel like it's exercising a new part of the brain because it's something completely new for your mind to wrap itself around.

potter violin company
Originally uploaded by andthelma.
Located in Bethesda, Maryland.
Upon our arrival David Basch,
the company's violin and bow
consultant took us to this small room
with the walls lined with instruments.
Based on our price range
he chose a few for us to try;
my brother was thrilled.
Basch was a great help.

I myself have dabbled in various instruments but unfortunately never quite caught the bug and found myself incredibly devoted to any of them. I played piano a few years, until my private instructor moved to Texas, I tried out trombone which was bizarre and fun, and in high school I even took a year of guitar. Most of that knowledge has evaporated though, I can still read music, sort of.

Having struggled with reading and writing for much of his life, playing music was entirely different and new for my brother, it was something that he could do regardless of how he felt about education otherwise. Everybody started at a clean slate, whereas in all things language related it was like he didn't quite get the kickstart that he would have liked.

At first he was hesitant but I insisted, even if he didn't stick to that instrument he could pick up music and perhaps choose something new later.

It's been 5 years since then and he finished his freshman year of high school a few months ago and is about to go into his sophomore year. He auditioned to get into a specialty program that allowed him to focus and dedicate quite a bit of his high school curriculum to performance. He loves playing now, it's something he feels very proud of. To me, having practically raised the kid, it's one of the first things I've ever seen him feel dedicated and devoted to. It's something he wants. It's incredibly rewarding to see him filled with determination and striving to improve.

After elementary school he went to a fabulous new middle school, brand new, with the very principal that I had had at a different one, and the teacher he had there was honestly, just very cool. He was a totally cool dude and I think my brother really appreciated that. I don't know if it made him more comfortable with the instrument but he really liked that teacher and he began to really love playing his violin. After the three years there he could see himself wanting to teach at least, and to perform professionally, and to even attend a music college.

Like I said, it's incredibly exciting to me, I feel like I'm his mother.

The problem is that he started playing a little later than most kids, but that's fine. One of the things that helped him immensely in the past year, which is where I feel that he has improved leaps and bounds, is getting a private tutor in addition to the school orchestra. She has given him a ridiculous amount of confidence both in his playing and just in his every day life. Feeling accomplished and feeling like he's working towards something has helped this quiet and shy kid learn to be able to hold his head up high every once in a while.

Everything else about school and the future he gets help on because I've gone through it. Being a first generation hispanic american my entire life has consisted of trying new things and having my family learn through my experiences. I didn't have a road map to follow and I still don't, we don't have any family, we don't have a lot of friends with whom we learn from, we were learning as we went along, we still are. Music isn't something that I can really help him on, especially not now as he's far surpassed my musical knowledge. So as we got into it we had absolutely no idea what we were doing, just that we wanted to.

We used what we knew and rented a violin from the local Music & Arts and let fate deal with the rest. We regret that now. Not that there is anything wrong with a general purpose music store, it's convenient and it's economical, especially if you don't know if your child is going to actually stick with an instrument. But if I could go back I would most certainly do a little more research and I would have gone to this very store, The Potter Violin Company, even if it is a little bit of a drive. They know what they're talking about, they make them, they sell them, they educate. My brother has been playing on a student grade violin for the past 5 years, the sound and the quality is not the same. It's almost like he's been playing a fake instrument, with a fake bow no less. We should have upgraded a while ago, for one, we rented for far too long and ended up overpaying for the instrument, and second, he's known for a while that violin was going to be more than just a passing hobby.

In any case, we bought him a new violin. It cost about as much as buying me a new computer (well, a new mac, anyways). It's not a super expensive one, but it is a good quality upgrade, something he can use through high school and college confidently. When we went I didn't know my mother was going to purchase a violin then and there, there was at least one other store I had wanted to visit. But she pulled out the card and we brought one home that day.

I've never seen my brother happier, not even when we bought him an Xbox 360, and believe me he was thrilled when that happened. I am really happy for him, he played for us when we got home from the long drive, something that he doesn't do too often, unless it's a concert of course, and it's incredible. We're pushing him and supporting him to do everything he wants to do (right now that's a violin camp, after that it's the youth symphony orchestra, and well, we'll go from there).

I have faith in him and I know that he'll go far, at the very least he's going to teach my kids how to play someday, maybe; I'm sure he'll teach many kids someday and he'll inspire them and one day help another shy, awkward kid to break out of their shell.

hide yo kids

2010-08-02T09:30:00.002-04:00

inb4 this gets a million views

I love it, it's so catchy.

The original video is here.

7292010

2010-07-29T09:01:00.006-04:00

This is progress.
I know it's progress because my pants are starting to be a lot roomier.

reminders

2010-07-22T22:19:00.002-04:00

Originally uploaded by e m ♥ i l y (in china until 7/22!)

ampersand love

2010-07-18T22:34:00.007-04:00

I'm addicted to ampersands.
Today I browsed through etsy and stumbled across a few things that made me swoon!

My love of them has to do with my last name, of course,
and the usual play I do off of it.
I adore it.
I don't know what I'll do, I'm not sure if I want to change it, it's just such a bizarre concept to me.
One day being one name, and the next, you're not!

On top of that, though, I just think it's a beautiful letterform and incredibly versatile.
Now if only they had some in Didot.

Note to self, in no particular order:

However, I think I'd like to make my own shirt with a similar concept. Not only would I be able to select a material that I adored (I'm picky when it comes to that, I just feel that most shirts that I purchase cheaply don't breathe), but I'd be able to select only typefaces that I am incredibly fond of.

I have many to choose from

Photo of me holding up my giant binder late last semester. That book holds a few hundred typefaces. It was one of my final Typography assignments and it took many, many nights (and afternoons and mornings) in front of my computer to complete.

striving for health

2010-07-13T03:47:00.004-04:00

I wonder if I should do something like this, this girl's a total babe by the way,
and I'm just giggling while writing this and listening to her talk about her grocery haul.

She gets as excited as I do about that sort of thing.

It was neat to see how much her body changed from her first video to her more recent ones. I got really excited when she showed off her new tummy at her goal weight and she was so thrilled, it was a joy to see. It was very inspiring as well, one day I'll be the squealing girl who's hard work has paid off, who can look in the mirror and be happy for the first time in a long time.
Not that I hate the way that I look, there are assets that I certainly appreciate: hello there ladies, hello there butt, thank you for being there for me. I also adore my hair (and so does everyone I seem to encounter). What I don't like about my body is that it's not where it should be, I know it's not, and I've known for a long time.

But I'm getting smaller, I'm losing inches, I'm shedding pounds, and that's the single best boost of self confidence that anyone can ask for, visually seeing a transformation in your own body. What's more is that it's a change that you caused through your own actions, your own choices, your own perseverance. I didn't like looking at myself and seeing that there was a gorgeous hourglass figure that I wasn't allowing to shine through, I was not taking care of myself in any sense of the word. Every bad habit that promotes weight gain was in my repertoire.

I want to be my best self in all aspects, and my body is just the beginning.

I should have started documenting from the second week of May which is when I started to tackle my bad habits head on. Since then I've lost about 20 pounds, that leaves me with about 15 more I want to lose before I get to go back to school, this is what I call my summer goal. It's short term, attainable, measurable, and totally doable.

After my summer goal is reached, and it will be reached, I'm giving myself a year to reach my "goal" weight and lose 50 more. That's a long stretch of time but I definitely don't expect to lose weight quite as consistently or as quickly as I am this summer. Right now it's essentially all I'm focusing on. Eating right, exercising regularly, reading up on nutrition, drinking as much water as I can remember to (it's getting a lot easier), and sleeping like a normal person should be. Well, not a normal person, as it's almost 6am as I type this, but I still sleep in until the afternoon and get a full "night" of rest. That's what counts. Very little else is on my mind and I can't say the same for when "real life" kicks in again.

I certainly won't stop, but there will be other things that will take up my time. Realistically, I'm predicting slower weight loss, as well as balancing in an eventual plateau or two (which hasn't happened yet) and perhaps just having some off days. This is what I'm thinking about now: how am I going to balance healthy eating habits when I won't even be home for the majority of my day, where am I going to squeeze in workouts and healthy excursions when I have a full schedule to consider? I also think about how hard it'll be to squelch my desire for a Dr. Pepper and a bag of cheesy ruffles, my usual guilty pleasure when I'm on campus. I think I can manage though. I've pretty much ditched snacks like that altogether (though I indulge with a few tastes here and there) because I much prefer a proper meal.

I'll have lost 34 pounds in 4 months if I reach my goal, which again I fully intend to, it gives me a great start. I think I could totally lose the additional 50 in 6 months or so if I continue at about the same pace. But I haven't plateaued and I haven't burned out or grown weary of it yet, and that can happen and I know it's something I should plan and be ready for. On top of that there's the holidays to consider, and there's no way I'm skipping my Thanksgiving favorites. In general there's stress that comes with school, though I'm going to aim and minimize that, and planning for the unexpected, hell, I had to have an appendectomy last fall. I've never had a serious health problem in my entire life, that was certainly a shock. God forbid anything happens, but there's always that chance.

For school I will try to not carry too much loose change on me so I can dodge the vending machine traps. I'll carry water with me at all times, I will eat a proper sit-down breakfast, I will carry healthy snacks, I will make time to exercise. I will sleep properly so that I won't crave and need an energy drink for the long trek home. I know that I can do this, I know that I want this. It feels so good right now, and I've only just begun, I've only just tasted what it feels like to have control of my body, to feel that joy as I see myself change.

I am confident that I am on the right track, finally, for the first time. Weight like this doesn't appear over night, I always said I'd do something about it, and I've finally started, it just took me a few years. I fully intend on following through with this and I will reach my goal weight, I even have a dream weight that is completely possible.

My main goal is health though, I want to take care of my body the way it should be, I want to be around for a long time, I want to love myself completely. Taking control of my body has certainly changed my perspective and I most certainly do love my body, I'm only learning to love it more.

soothing voice

2010-06-21T01:12:00.006-04:00

I've found myself watching/listening to youtube videos about massage. It's ridiculously soothing to me. This lady in particular has such a spectacular voice. I'm considering going to a massage and/or a wrap session. Relaxing and good for you.

In the meantime listening to this is a pretty nice, and free, alternative.

a trip! and 15

2010-06-18T15:18:00.006-04:00

Today marks fifteen pounds of weightloss. I AM WOMAN, hear me roar.

I'm aiming for 20 more by the end of the summer, admittedly I could lose more since I am steadily losing a little over two pounds a week like I wanted, but I will be going on vacation for a month. So, that could hinder it a bit.

The last time I was in Bolivia was some 3 or 4 years ago, it's an expensive flight and we're a family of four. I'm not really at risk of gaining weight while I'm there, that's never been the case, we usually lose weight actually (probably because we get sick lmfao and we walk SO MUCH).

Everything is fresh and homemade, and all the produce and meat is pretty much solely organic. We are far more active then we usually are, Bolivia has pretty mountainous terrain and the capital is no exception. Hills everywhere. When you don't have any other responsibilities you don't mind a long walk. Continuing with the very American, and very sedentary, lifestyle just wasn't that easy in South America. Eating out was not economically sound.

There was one McDonalds in a busy part of the city (I believe it has closed down since then), and all of were craving something that we would remind us of home. Homesickness for anything that was remotely like our home country, for some reason the cure for me homesickness was french fries, which thinking back on it now is pretty hilarious. There is something decidedly American to me about the thin shoe string style french fries which for some reason was absent in the country.

The problem was that the prices were still in the dollar equivalent, merely converted to the local currency (bolivians). The exchange rate is something like 7 bolivians for 1 dollar, which is great for shopping but not so great in this instance. A number 1 was going for 35 bolivians. Of course they closed down, that was ridiculous. So much more could have been done with that money. I think we also went to a Burger King during our month long excursion, but for some reason they had fried chicken on the menu and my family ate that instead, I didn't (I was sick at the time).

Hopefully I don't get sick this time around, I'm older now, and I have experienced the difference twice before. I first get sick with the change in altitude I believe, and then I end up with what I'm assuming is food poisoning later. I'll busy myself trying to learn if there's anything I can do to prevent that altitude sickness as well as the food poisoning.

There's lots to prepare still. I'm going to buy a new camera for the month long expedition. I plan on being more touristy, though there will still be plenty of family schmoozing but I want to venture out past the major cities and explore more of the country. Why a new camera? So that we each have one. Well, my parents will have one, my brother, and myself. I want us to document what we see, hear, and taste. I'll probably get a flickr pro account so that we can upload big batches as we go along. My plan is to also journal a lot, and they will too if they feel like it. And I'll design it into a nice book and have it printed and bound and all that so we have this treasure of what could potentially be our final vacation of just us four.

It's always been just the four of us. Everything we have has come out of the hardwork my parents have put in since leaving Bolivia and moving to the US twenty years ago.

This is a photo from the roof of our home there. I am so excited to take albums more.

ella ella ella

2010-04-06T01:20:00.003-04:00

Why haven't I cried to Ella Fitzgerald before?
She's an angel, dear god.

Also I've been doing awful with the blogs.
I'll pick it up, I promise.

dark shades

2010-03-26T08:08:00.005-04:00

Such a huge inspiration.
I will channel Dylan today.
Minus the shades I suppose, the day is grey and wet,
and there's a chill in the air.

new yaaaawk

2010-03-25T07:21:00.005-04:00

Every semester my university sponsors a day trip to New York (among many others), and every semester my friends and I say that we're going to. We finally did, so it only took us two years. It was 25 dollars and a few hours drive, but it was amazing. It was everything I thought New York would be. I wish I could stay for weeks, I would have ventured out and seen so much more than I could have in a day and the painful walk back to the bus at the end (and it was).

At first I was overwhelmed by how loud it was, stepping off of the bus and onto the street, it was loud. Just loud. And then after that, it was tall. I have never been in a city, not like that. I was dwarfed remarkably by these giant buildings that seemed to go forever. DC is nothing if compared to that. I believe there's a limit as to how tall buildings can be in Washington and it in no way touches what New York's skyline is. After that I was just excited to be there.

Next time I go I'll be sure to have a plan, because Cathy and I didn't. We winged it and it worked, but I don't know why I didn't make any plans. She'd been to New York many times before, but never on her own, and always with her mother and her mother's plans so it was all very new. After grabbing a bite to eat (which I now regret wasn't true New York "cuisine") we ventured forth. Times Square was the obvious first stop, we knew that much at least. Throughout the day I was so excited to be and see places I had only seen in movies and on tv. Times Square was just the beginning of that.

It was so great. There was just so much for my eyes to take in. After that we sort of wandered off, we awed our way through the diamond district, 5th avenue, ate ice cream by the Rockefeller Center, people watched, cried at the fact that getting a view of the city cost so much money, did some shopping, wandered some more, almost were pickpocketed (backpack pocketed?), and found our way to a Starbucks to rest our feet and decide what to do next. I had purchased a bunch of postcards, all of them touristy, and I wrote at least four or five and dropped them at the first mailbox I saw. The cards gave us ideas though, while we didn't feel we had enough time to reach the Statue of Liberty (next time we will), neither one of us had seen Central Park. To me that seemed like a very important sight for us to see.

I wish I could remember the name of our impromptu tourguide, but I can't. We went back to Broadway and hunted down a pedicab driver on a whim, and we found one. I feel like if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip as much as I did. One of the first people to start the pedicab business in the city he seemed to know everybody and everyone and knew everything about the views we saw and passed, both now and in the past. He was so funny, so entertaining. He gave us a proper introduction to the city.

He took us all around Central Park. For one I though it was beautiful, it wasn't super green yet, because it was still early in the season. But there were so many people just doing their own things, enjoying the outdoors, living carefree it seemed. They were everywhere. Even the driver was surprised, but it was a beautiful day. Again, the movie aspect was thrilling. I got to see the famous sites and got to witness dancers and musicians, it was like the very heart of New York was in that space and I got a small taste. I really do not have the words to describe what it was like. Often times I was just sort of in awe, it was just too much for me, I guess. Visiting the city was like a dream come true and it did not disappoint. I don't know what I would have done if it did.

After the most amazing tour and experience our driver then took us all the way down to Soho where we had some last minute shopping to do. I wanted to hug him I was so happy, but I felt that was probably out of place. He made sure to tell us how to catch a cab (our first time) and that we knew where we were going and how to get back to our bus and back home. So yes, we shopped and timed it perfectly to get back. Hailing a cab wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, we got to be in some New York traffic, grabbed some McDonalds (which, by the way, had the worst bathrooms I have ever used), and sat on the bus for the long ride home with a delicious meal.

As much fun as I had that day, and as in love with New York as I was, getting to see the distant skyline of my city was so nice. It was like coming home, it was familiar and loved.

portrait gallery adventure

2010-03-25T06:59:00.008-04:00

A few friends and I took advantage of free time and good weather to venture out into the city. For some reason Chinatown is always a good homebase for us. We used to go bowling a lot and the bowling alley there is amazing (Lucky Strike Lanes, it's very classy). Beyond that I guess it's a very central area, not a long walk to the major attractions but still different. Plus, there's a Chipotle. Who doesn't love Chipotle?

For our photography class we were to visit the National Portrait Gallery, it was to inspire and witness the masters. We also had to do a write up on our favorite pieces (photographs preferably). I had never been there, though I've walked past it a million times.

Secretly, I still harbor a desire to visit every single museum in our nation's capital before I graduate, a half-hearted attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. I feel like a lot of people live in the area and have never really sought a good look at this incredible city and all it has to offer. And it does have a lot to offer.

The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery tells the history of America through individuals who have shaped its culture. Through the visual arts, performing arts and new media, the Portrait Gallery portrays poets and presidents, visionaries and villains, actors and activists whose lives tell the American story.

That said, the museum is easily located in one of the most beautiful buildings in the entire city. It's spectacular. It's located off Eighth and F streets, NW, and right by the metro station. What I loved about the museum was the variety, it had a little bit of everything for everybody. I'm an art junkie so I have a field day at any museum, but this was certainly a place where everybody could find something that fascinated them. That's a great quality for a museum to have.

It was huge and we saw as much as we could. Inside there is also a courtyard that was amazing. It gave the illusion of being outdoors with it's greenery and waterfeature, as well as its sunlight and cool feel; but it wasn't. It had this weird roof that helped make it such a unique and lovely environment. We spent a lot of time just relaxing there, and so did a great deal of patrons.

Beyond that I really can't say much that'll do the museum justice but I took a million photos and have checked off another museum off my list.

The most chinese part of our Chinatown.

Eletronic Superhighway: Continental U.S., Alaska, Hawaii, 1995
Nam June Paik

Annuciation No. 2
1981-82, bronze with oil-based enamel
Manuel Neri

Will Rogers 1879-1935
Bronze casting
Jo Davidson

Gelatin silver prints featuring: Elizabeth Taylor (Phillippe Halsman) and Clara Bow (Alfred Cheney Johnston) plus many others.

A quick note, this piece in particular I found very striking. It's the great Toni Morrison, of course, (I wish everyone could automatically know that, but alas...). I thought it was a photograph. But no, it's a painting. It's a portrait by Robert McCurdy, oil on canvas from 2006; I was absolutely blown away by his talent. It's a life size painting. Immediately I felt dwarfed and insignificant, not only by Morrison's powerful presence, but by the talent of this artist. My photo doesn't do it justice.

This is just one of my photos from the courtyard.

And of course, us heading home (well, back to campus). We catch the shuttle and go our respective ways.

girl, you better work

2010-03-19T07:02:00.004-04:00

YES YES YES.
RuPaul yes.

Can't wait to catch up on the show.
http://www.logotv.com/shows/rupauls_drag_race/season_2/series.jhtml

we speak your font

2010-03-18T03:20:00.003-04:00

Typowall ♠ We Speak Your Font / Vi snakker språket ditt Font
Originally uploaded by Themis Chapsis

show us your type

2010-03-16T15:38:00.006-04:00

http://www.showusyourtype.com

This online magazine called neue,
revolves around to simple things: type and cities.

I stumbled upon it and it's a wonderful source of inspiration and a brief look into various creative minds,
the idea is to design type that also illustrates the city.

It's really neat.

The second one reminds me of yesterday's figure drawing experiment with nontraditional mediums.
Have you ever drawn the human body in ketchup?
It's certainly a unique experience.

godga

2010-03-14T20:57:00.009-04:00

AS IF JUSTIFICATION AND VINDICATION
I notice this and had to do a double take, yes,
that IS a G.I.SM. patch on her sexy jacket,
and that IS Lady Gaga.

She's even more amazing than I had already believed her to be!

That entire video is just an incredible visual adventure, beyond it just being incredibly sexy,
and it draws inspiration from a lot of my favorite things and just has great themes, and ugh,
so good. I love her.

music adoration

2010-03-14T17:02:00.005-04:00

Yeah I love Lady Gaga and I love Noisecore.
I don't even make any sense.

I lost my harddrive a few months back and with it lost all of my music as well.
I just never got around to getting it all back, partially because it was frustrating to know that it was a collection I had started fresh and new on my computer, that I spent forever organizing it and making it nice and neat. That I also lost music I had transferred from my old computer, and just, it was pretty obnoxious all around. I haven't been keeping up with music and my musical interests have fallen lax and pretty much revolve around the billboard top 100. Not that there's anything wrong with that, there isn't, I'm no music elitist.

I need to make a post about music and how I feel about it.
Today I want to find my Swankys, Lydia Cats, and that band I randomnly stumbled upon the other day,
Mankind.
I dig their sound.
To me music is about energy and emotion, it's about how it makes you feel,
there are so many different qualities to it,
I couldn't dream of limiting myself to just one.
But I digress and am in no mood for a long post, I'm lazy.

the end will justify it all

2010-03-13T10:51:00.007-05:00

god i hope it does

I adore this woman.

www.ladygaga.com

When she comes back to the US, I'd very much like to see her live.

what's new pussycat

2010-03-13T10:30:00.004-05:00

there are no easy buttons

2010-03-13T04:15:00.006-05:00

There are no easy buttons.

today is good

2010-03-09T16:22:00.006-05:00

insignificant
but happy

also, i turned 20 yesterday
and my brother is a horrible photographer

insignificant joy

2010-03-09T16:21:00.005-05:00

Every other day or so I tell myself I need to update my blog, update your blog Thelma! You should post something, anything(!) on your blog.

And it just never happened.

I have some time to kill right now though, waiting for my Digital Imaging class start. I already read my art history book and I've read too much about bilingual education to want to keep researching for the time being. I've had a pretty rough couple days and Spring Break flew by without a single event other than the required eating, sleeping, and using the internet. I fall into that routine really easily, I turn into a recluse. A hermit ~~cat~~.

I went to bed around 2 and woke up at 6, barely. I woke up and my eyes hurt (I pulled an al nighter, I'm a pro) and my body ached, every inch of me was screaming at me, commanding I go back to bed. But I had to drive my brother and he wasn't going to let me be. It took an hour for that ache and that drowsiness to leave and I mended it with cake (see birthday post) and loud music (Andrew WK, see youtube).

But by the time class started I felt peppy, lazy and reluctant to attend class, sure, but that quickly vanished as we started talking about an art period I adore. We've gone through the golden years of renaissance, touched on mannerism, and we're starting baroque. We talked about Caravaggio. YES, OH MY GOD YEEEES.

A short digress: I want to draw out and write about a character based around the concept of a rogue artist. I was thinking about going back and continuing a small forming plot from high school, perhaps I can combine the two! It's very exciting.

The next class went well (I got an A- on a midterm I spent maybe ten minutes reviewing for, horrible in one way, great in another). And then I went to hang out on my own and I was pleasantly surprised with the joy the simple time I spent brought me.

I purchased lip balm (Burts Bees!) and a bottle of green tea from CVS, then I got my $5-footlong-song on at Subway, ate and chatted with my boyfriend on the phone for a while. I am totally a lovesick mess, I adore him so much, that giggling school girl? IT'S ME. But I digress, I ate half the foot long as usual, I'll have the rest for dinner. It was an italian bmt, with lettuce, tomato, onion, provolone cheese, mayo, mustard, and vinegar. I'm going to add olives next time. Plus it was toasted, SO GOOD. One of the reasons I enjoy it even more though is that it's my boyfriend's favorite and he gets it all the time. It's comforting to think that we're eating the same thing (sometimes even at the same time, unplanned). I also used my birthday coupon to get some free icecream, it was delicious.

I read up on my art history stuff and watched the most adorable get together of older citizens (I'm a little bit of a people watcher) and just felt really good hanging out at the mall.

Drove back to main campus relishing the amazing weather, window open and long hair blowing in the breeze.

I don't know, it's like I got every song I wanted to hear on the radio and it was just such a perfect moment I almost burst into tears I was so happy.

How could I ever complain or cry about my life when I have everything I need and only the promise of things yet to come?

I am a very lucky and loved woman (ew, WOMAN BECAUSE I'M 20 GEDDIT), and I need to realize and appreciate that fact more often.

I'll fix this up in a bit, I'll be late for my last class.

x

In the future, if I am feeling down, I want to read this and remember how that felt and how I could easily feel it again if I let myself appreciate all of the good in my life.

stop having a boring tuna

2010-02-15T22:29:00.007-05:00

Stop having a boring life.

Clearly, I am in need of a slap chop.

I remember adoring that when it first came out. Yesterday I heard it on the television, a shortened version of course, but on tv none the less. That's so great. Something that he did online became popular (very much so), and I'm pretty sure it was just out of fun, and the man probably got a nice sum of money for the idea and use. The internet has opened an entire new era. It connects people in a way that never could have even fathomed before.

I have friends from around the world, and I've talked to at least one person from each continent, except for perhaps Antarctica (but even then you never know). That was not possible not too long ago, and that's incredible. There was a certain point in time where your range of communication, and your range of interaction, was limited to your immediate surroundings, your town, your city, your community. Slowly it expanded as technology did, but I have no idea if anyone ever predicted it would be at the place it is now. Everyone is connected. And it's still improving!

Using my Verizon fi-os connection gets me on the net faster than ever and I can't imagine ever being any slower. Once upon a time I remember when I used dial-up (the sound was so distinctive after all), a 56k connection was never bad back then, that's less than a decade ago, that's within my lifetime. I can't imagine how much more it'll expand.

My kids won't even know what dial up is.

But anyways, yeah I have a boring life. It must be the tuna.

comfortable sleep

2010-02-13T11:47:00.004-05:00

Haha, these are so great!

The Great Slumber

google before you tweet

2010-02-12T19:17:00.005-05:00

Frightening, or exciting?
Or both?

http://everythingfab.tumblr.com

Tomorrow a post about how much I love the internet.
Because I love the internet.
Very much.

symphony of science

2010-02-12T19:11:00.006-05:00

I find these beautiful and inspirational; they are a thought provoking jab at my imagination.

http://www.symphonyofscience.com/

a hard lesson to learn

2010-02-11T14:26:00.004-05:00

From 101 Things I Learned in Architecture School by Mathew Frederick
(you should buy me this book btw, it looks like a good reas)

Number 29:

Being process-oriented, not product-driven, is the most important and difficult skill for a designer to develop.

Being process oriented means

1 seeking to understand a design problem before chasing after solutions;
2 not force-fitting solutions from old problems onto new problems;
3 removing yourself from prideful investment in your projects and being slow to fall in love with your ideas;
4 making design investigations and decisions holistically (that address several aspects of a design problem at once) rather than sequentially (that finalize one aspect of the solution before investigating the next);
5 making design conditions conditionally-that is, with the awareness that they may or may not work out as you continue toward a final solution;
6 knowing when to change and when to stick with previous decisions;
7 accepting as normal the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to do;
8 working fluidly between concept-scale and detail-scale to see how each informs the other;
9 always asking "What if...? regardless of how satisfied with your solution.

So I'm not alone, this is good news.
Now if only I can successfully master this crucial skill I can guarantee at least some success in my designated field of interest.
Unfortunately it is no easy task and will take more effort than I currently devote.

don't think twice

2010-02-03T15:52:00.004-05:00

Dude, this version is amazing.

winter was rough (on my car)

2010-02-03T15:41:00.007-05:00

my vices

2010-01-28T22:54:00.005-05:00

Vice is a practice or a habit [disambiguation needed] considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading in the associated society. In more minor usage, vice can refer to a fault, a defect, an infirmity or merely a bad habit. Synonyms for vice include fault, depravity, sin, iniquity, wickedness and corruption. The modern English term that best captures its original meaning is the word vicious, which means "full of vice". In this sense, the word vice comes from the Latin word vitium, meaning "failing or defect". Vice is the opposite of virtue.

Thank you Wikipedia.

I went on an interview for an internship (for Fathom Creative) last week (fingers crossed, btw) and they made us fill out a questionnaire prior to meeting with the "judges," our group of interviewers. One of the questions was what one of our vices were. I answered caffeine/staying up late, they tend to go hand in hand after all.

It's true, I stay up entirely too late. It's one thing if I were actually doing something productive, but more often then not, I'm, well, not. I'm being the opposite of productive. I tend to procrastinate a project as I spend hours talking to people online, or surfing (ever use stumbleupon? don't), or watching things. I'm a fan of online forums and I'm just a fan of the internet in general. I could spend forever here.

And when I do stay up I depend and crave Red Bull/coffee and anything caffeinated. I have to though, which is the bad part. If I have failed to get the correct amount of sleep I still have to get to school. I have to go to class and then I have to drive home. Only then can I finally sleep. Assuming I don't have a big assignment due the next day, of course.

On average I'm in an hour of traffic. I commute from Woodbridge to Arlington almost everyday, alongside the hundreds (thousands?) of others who do the same in DC's Rush Hour traffic (which of course the only time I drive as well). I have learned that traffic and sleep depravation do not mix well. I have learned that the hard way. To put it simply, it's dangerous.

I had a close call once, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep after a long day and I was driving in the HOV lane, I completely missed my exit and I don't remember what happened next. I just remember snapping awake and merging with the other cars back onto I95, had I been in the left lane I imagine I would have crashed because the HOV lanes ended, the right lane continued. PWC forest was the only thing I really remember as I drove back a mile or three to get back to my area. Needless to say I was wide awake after that, and nothing like that has yet to happen to me again. I have an emergency drink with me to prevent it.

But it was very scary and eye opening, literally (hah). It really scared me to realize what had happened.

It's not safe and yet I do it anyways, I enjoy being miserable because I still spend hours awake when I should be asleep.

I don't have the luxury of living on campus. It'd be nice to wake up five minutes before class and just show up, and then just head back to bed once it was over. But I don't, I have to plan out my commute to school, make sure I have everything (because coming back to get something is usually never an option), and I have to leave quite early for a class because I have to budget in time to get there (and the inevitable traffic) as well as the time it takes to find a parking space (which is a lot at my university due to construction). I would love to roll out of bed, splash water on my face and head to class (not that I'd be the pajama wearing student, ever).

But living at home has lots of perks and I'm saving a lot of money by doing so, money that won't weigh me down after I graduate and stress me out. But for now, I definitely don't sleep enough and I have to work on that.

Currently listening to: Pagan Poetry - Bjork
I remember falling in love with this song a long time ago.

still no reflection

2010-01-25T02:16:00.004-05:00

But this nearly made me cry.

amazon

2010-01-24T01:44:00.004-05:00

I have to write actual blog entries sometime.
Perhaps tomorrow I will reflect.

Anyways I want this book:

But that's one book out of a million that I wish I could wrap my fingers around devour in it's entirety. It's unfortunate that it cannot be, I'm not made of money. I'm made of squishy human bits, I doubt I even have any cash in my pockets.

The other day I went ahead and made an Amazon wishlist though. I suppose I want something to remind me of nice things I can't have I guess, heh. I want to splurge on Design books, oh my goodness.

My Amazon Wishlist, that is long and frivolous. Somewhere in the back of my head I can imagine a future home with an amazing library and this being the start of it.

For some reason I tend to type it as Amazong, and then I go and delete the G. I know it's Amazon, and yet, my fingers just always toss in that extra G no matter how many times I've corrected it in the past.

Highlights from the list include the 156 box of Prismacolor markers, a beautiful sight to behold, Three Wolf Moon Shirt, every Anne Rice title in existence for nostalgia purposes, various video games, art books (Rackham, Beardsley, Mucha to name a few I adore), color theory books, typography, how tos, inspirational sources and so on and so forth. Caffeine for the Creative Mind sounds particularly intriguing.

And yeah, the end.

For now though I'm looking into getting a refund for a textbook I ordered that is now overdue. Hopefully this will be the first and last time things don't go swimmingly with a seller on Amazon. The risk is worth it, cheap books are nice. It sucks because I now have to find the money to buy the book from a store because I can't wait any longer and put of my reading assignments.

city lights

2010-01-19T07:00:00.004-05:00

I don't want that blog at the top, so here's a photo I found for my Photography assignment.

David Burdeny
He's pretty fabulous.

i have to write

2010-01-19T05:18:00.004-05:00

Writing will make me feel better.
I will close my eyes and write.
There are benefits to being able to type properly sometimes.
Is it possible to cry while one sleeps at night?
I feel like I have done that,
The eyes are as a red as a a rabbit's and physically I feel drained,
it might be the short amount of sleep though, four hours but still kicking.
If one can call this kicking anyways.
My intent wasn't to make a blog where I can whine and complain about things like this,
but my sources of outlets are slim.
And they've gotten slimmer.
I can't find someone who will understand,
and I won't find someone I feel comfortable with,
not on level where I can bare my soul without fear.
I think it's rare to find a person with whom you connect on a level beyond the bonds of a typical friendship.
Our brains and thoughts seemed to be in sync,
our desires and dreams,
our humor,
our very cores of being seemed to interlace and interact with one another in a way that I never felt could be possible.
I never dreamed I could feel so strongly for another person,
never thought that I would become so dependent,
so needy.
And yet it was possible, because there it was, I didn't ask for it,
I didn't want it, no my priority wasn't finding someone else,
it was school, and nothing else,
why does this person enter my life,
wrapping a hold around my heart and my mind,
clinging to me,
squeezing at my insides.
And I, too, blindly reaching my arms back,
wanting and craving something entirely out of my reach,
something I wasn't supposed to need,
not yet,
not ever.
Not really.

But I've never wanting anything more in my entire life.

I've always been a crier.
Not that I was a child who would sob to get things when I was little,
but if I was frustrated or angry,
if life's little trivial annoyances built up on me,
my first reaction was to cry.
It was all I could to do,
it was a release.
A way to feel better,
a way to express real emotion and tire myself out,
weakness front and center,
something I despised revealing.
But I cry now.
Because I have nothing else to do,
because there is nothing else for me to do.
I cry alone because there is no one else to cry to.
I've always cried because there has never been any other outlet for me.
There are people who love me,
but these are people who do not know me through and through.
It is some consolation to hear their kind words,
but there are only some kind words that I want to hear,
and I won't hear them.

Crying isn't helping me though.
It hurts my eyes,
my cheek are itchy.
My nose aches from abuse with cheap tissue paper.

I knew there were consequences to letting myself begin to love unabashedly.
It's never been the type of person I viewed myself as,
and yet I allowed myself to do so.

And now I type with eyes open,
I don't really now what I was trying to say here.
That I feel like shit, basically.
That I knew there was a reason I didn't want to let myself get so close to someone else,
and this is why, because this hurts so bad.
Because I'm completely helpless and vulnerable,
because I'm missing my other half.
I feel stupid for letting myself turning into one of those lovesick teenager types,
daydreaming of getting married and being happy,
because everything is right in the world when the other is around.
Though that is the way it really feels.
God, when we're good, we're so good.
We're amazing and the ideal relationship.

But we argue more then we love,
and I hurt and I'm angry and I'm upset,
more then I am happy.
Though when I am happy there is no better feeling,
no one can make me as happy,
not yet,
not ever.
But I'm so sick of arguing,
its painful.
I don't want it anymore,
I want to be the happy couple that people smiled at on the streets,
they smiled and said "aw" and recognized love,
I want to be the happy couple that is perfectly content in just talking and being in one another's company.

But every other day we are the couple that argues over trivial things,
the couple who is frustrated and upset,
the couple who is confused and angry.

And I cringe when I see other couples on the street,
because I can't have that.

Last night I began to cry just thinking of the argument that was guaranteed to arise after a less then stellar afternoon,
I was afraid of what was yet to happen.
As if I had developed this mini phobia of having to do it again.
I didn't want to do it, I couldn't bear it.
I don't know why.
I don't know what came over me.
He said hurtful things, but he was upset,
and I already had been upset,
this was not a good combination.
My range of things that I could do for him were limited,
they always have been,
if I can't console and I can't understand,
what can I do?
Nothing.
I am nothing to him.
What good am I if even the small reach that I have into his life is worthless?
Why should I even bother wasting more of his time and energy?

He claims that I don't care about him.
Nothing could be further from the truth.

He's not going to call me.
He's not going to try and rescue our struggling relationship.
So what's the point?
He's the one who doesn't care.

I already begged once, I can't do it again.
Especially not since this is by my own doing.

It kills me because I think if it wasn't for this distance,
we wouldn't have a problem.
But that distance is everything.
We can't ignore the fact that there was a three hour time difference and few thousand miles between us.
There isn't an easy fix for this.

I don't know what to do.

I have to focus on school, it's all I have.

I wish that I could be happy.
And I wish that I could be happy with him.
He's the only person that I can imagine myself being with,
and living any sort of life with.
But I can't be with him, and I don't want to hold him back.
The amount of effort that had to be exerted to be with me was too much,
and I don't expect anyone to have to put up with it.
But it was more then just a physical attraction or a minor infatuation,
we were truly compatible,
but we'll never get to realize that potential.

reach

2010-01-18T20:02:00.004-05:00

Artista no nosso convívio
Originally uploaded by Herodoto

elton john

2010-01-17T20:19:00.005-05:00

Adore this song.
I'll write something tomorrow.
Something about insecurities and media, or something.
Something something.

Anyways, Elton John!

formspring.me

2010-01-13T23:18:00.002-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/andthelma

alphonse mucha

2010-01-13T22:08:00.008-05:00

I suppose I could call this man my idol, he was a successful fine artist and designer. His approach to advertisement was interesting and resulted in some absolutely stunning pieces that I wish I could get my hand on.

He draws pretty women. ;_;

As well as some very epic (in more ways then one) paintings that had no association whatsoever with his posters that got him famous. You have to make a living after all.

Needless to say, I adore him.

Mucha Museum

Here's one of my own "designs" that tried to mimic his style. We were designing a deck of cards. I was infatuated with the Micron .05 pens. It was tedious. The only shot I have is a wip, I'm going to photograph/scan more of my work in some point in the near future. I've been thinking I need an actual online portfolio especially since I am going to seriously start trying to dig a niche. I want to have an exhibit someday, it's a dream, but I also want to work designs, so, we'll see how that goes.

adorable

2010-01-12T06:06:00.005-05:00

IT'S ADORABLE OMG.

Toyota Unveils Pint-sized Hybrid Concept Car

I want this:

Loungefly Black Day of the Dead Applique Tote

audrey kawasaki

2010-01-11T22:05:00.005-05:00

I'm in love and in hate all at the same time. This woman's paintings are gorgeous, eerie and sexy, dreamy and warm. I want to do things like this some day.

a u d r e y * k a w a s a k i

i miss concerts

2010-01-11T21:16:00.006-05:00

I haven't been to a show in ages.
Originally uploaded by andthelma

The Black Cat is a lovely venue in NW Washington which caters to an eclectic assortment of musical acts. I love that it is smaller and more intimate. While a crazy outdoor concert or an arena show has it's amazing aspects, being smushed up against the railings within fingertips to the lead singer is something remarkable. Did you brofist the band? Yes. Yes, I did.

Plus, club shows are generally a lot cheaper, of which the Black Cat is no different. I love that. Being the broke college student that I am, I like that part very much. It's also metro accessible and in a very hip area (or at least I like to think so). This was at an Anti-Flag concert, with the Darkest Hour, United Nations, Ruiner, and the AKAs. Anti-Flag was fun, but United Nations was intense. It was special because they're controversial, I guess, and their first show was that night. I wish I had gotten good pictures of them.

I need to go to more concerts and DC has plenty of them, and if I'm feeling adventurous Maryland is next door.

somehow i chose

2010-01-10T01:17:00.005-05:00

I chose Graphic Design to be my major at some point in time. This was after much "soul searching" and freaking out about such a huge important decision.

For the majority of my high school career I was pretty much set on being an English major. My transcript reflects that with my choice in electives, Creative Writing and Journalism forever, plus the hardest english courses my small school could muster. At the same time I was an internet junkie (aka nerd) and have been in love with all things techy (having dabbled in various design fields and learning basic coding for nerdy websites I will not be listing here) practically forever.

I was using AIM chat rooms and faking my age in elementary school (I wish I were joking). I started joining various forum communities and have been a part of pretty much every "popular" site at one time or another. Just the idea of internet culture fascinates me.

And yet I also held this secret desire of fulfilling creativity that I was more or less afraid of letting loose (I still am to an extent).

Art is scary. People have a predetermined idea of what it's supposed to be, people are afraid to make things that are ugly so they stop themselves from getting better because their initial endeavors simply do not turn out the way they think they should. I'm getting better at it. Why?

Because I opted for a creative route to follow high school.

My entire education has been one "advanced" class after another. Gifted Education, harder maths classes, subjects, AP/AICE, Signet, everything that I could be signed up for I was and I did. Initially it wasn't much of a choice, but I just got so used to it that I continued it on my own. I liked it, it made me feel good, I guess, being a brainy kid. But I realize now that it sheltered me an incredible amount and hindered my ability to interact with a wider range of people. But that's another blog, really. I'll say this though: taking these "rigorous" courses does not make one better then students that do not, they do not make you more intelligent, they do nothing. Anyone can be successful.

I digress, by the time I was approaching the end of high school I was absolutely sick of it. It was part exhaustion and just boredom from the same monotony, part falling out with the people I constantly had to associate with (it was always the same group in these classes and it had been since middle school) not that they were bad or anything. I don't hold any grudges. Cynicism is entrenched in me somewhere I guess. I started to deviate from that path of weighted credits and found myself meeting a greater deal of people and enjoying school more.

Did I really want to continue going to college to do four more years of the same stuff I'd done my entire life? A completely serious and studious career track for a completely serious and studious career?

No. ):

So no, in college I'm not in an honors program, I barely made the cut anyways (a barely there 3.5). I didn't want to restrict myself to the same crowd all the time even if it would give me more money (in terms of scholarships), it'd give me a lot more work too. Dude, college is hard enough.

I did research and really focused on what I liked to do and what I might enjoy doing later. I always returned to the creative industry, not solely creative but creativity paired with technology. I had ditched writing and focused more on the design aspect of the paper and it sort of hit me that I enjoyed that far more then I ever did writing articles that would eventually be trashed in the nearest bin.

Oh, right, I can be a designer.

It takes all of my interests and combines them into one. And so that's what I did.

I didn't get accepted into an art school due to my complete lack of art courses in high school and as a result of a less than stellar portfolio. But I'm working on that portfolio now with both digital and traditional mediums.

As a liberal arts school I have to take a broad range of core educational elements, ranging from the Social Sciences, Science, Math, and so on and so forth. I get just enough to keep my mind active and moving, growing, picking up more than it does on it's little online excursions but at the same time I can encourage the pursuit of creative personality. I could not imagine having nothing but lecture courses. I would not like college at all if that were the case. It would be incredibly stressful and I feel that education should be exciting and fun, as well as, well, educational. Luckily studios, despite their length, are a release and a different aspect to the academic world that I had yet to encounter. I love it. It's a breath of fresh air. I do enjoy lecture courses and I'm glad that I get to dabble in all of the sciences rather than being squarely focused on a single thing.

For now I worry that I'm not brave enough to be a graphic designer. I'm timid when it comes to expressing ideas, I'm timid in terms of making rash decisions, or particularly bold ones, I hate to fail, though sometimes you have to. I'd rather play it safe, but that's not how someone makes an impact. No one will notice if you always play it safe. I'm trying. I thrive on attention and generally my designs are well-received if I've actually properly done the assignment. But I still get nervous when I have to talk about it or hear potential comments. I'm not afraid of negative reactions, not everyone is going to love everything you make, that isn't the problem. But getting in front of a group of people to explain and show my work is scary to me. I used to do public speaking and theater, what happened?

The requirements in the fine art department were slim for my major but I supplement them with my electives being devoted to them. Chances are I'll be a studio art minor, if not double major. Of course, it's better to just focus on one thing at a time first.

Unfortunately I found another subject I enjoy immensely, Art History.

I can't do everything though.

I wish I could.

Graphic design is my selected field. Design is something that has always fascinated me and is a part of the world, it is a daily part of life that often goes unnoticed, but it's so significant. I want to work for a magazine, I want to be a creative director one day. I want to see my ideas shipped out to thousands of readers. I also want to continue to pursue fine art, I'd love to have at least one showing of my art, even a small gallery would do. And of course freelance work as well to keep me active.

I forget why I wrote this. I lost my train of thought, it's incredibly late and I have a morning class tomorrow. I shall edit.

worry

2010-01-09T02:42:00.004-05:00

You can worry to no end about what you don't have.
Or you can marvel at God's breathtaking gifts:
the morning dew,
the sun,
the clouds,
the trees,
the flowers,
the birds.
Could you create any of these?
These miracles of life are always around you,
ready to be celebrated,
ready to be welcomed into your life.

imperfect love

2010-01-07T17:41:00.001-05:00

love it

2010-01-07T17:40:00.006-05:00

lost

2010-01-06T14:42:00.005-05:00

I'm super close to being caught up to Lost.

This show makes no sense at all (okay, it sort of does, but you have to work at it).

Not once have I ever wanted to watch a show completely so this will be my first.
It's just a complete cluster-fuck of cliffhangers and twists.

But they're really good cliff-hangers and twists! And that there is why people continue to tune in. It's hard to follow, even the characters themselves are confused once they start weaving through time.

Kate is such a ho, if she messes up Jack and Juliet I'll be furious! ;w;

Also, RICHARD IS A TOTAL DREAMBOAT.

He rocks that guy-liner beautifully.

There are many questions to ask, plenty of answers, and even more questions. Putting together all of the stories, past, present, and in some cases future, as it is revealed is a thrill.

Season 6, the last and final season, will start on Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 9PM EST.

I'm excited and still a little lost.
Heh, like that hasn't been done.

gut feelings

2010-01-04T19:24:00.007-05:00

I'm getting in my last few reckless days before I return to school on the 11th. So in other words, my sleep schedule is all sorts of messed up. My first class is at 9:30 AM on Monday, Typography I with Professor Tilton. I adore her. At first I wasn't sure, but I just wasn't used to class in a format like hers, but this will be my third course with her and I'm pretty excited. She's really kind plus she's super knowledgeable, of course. That excitement is slightly held back as I have this gut feeling that she no longer holds me in the high regard she might have at one point.

I'm pretty spot on with those weird intuitive feelings, and I have a gut feeling she doesn't like me anymore, so I'm going to have to work hard to get back into her good graces if I can at all. Sadly I did slack in her class last semester, I should have put far more effort into it, but I was so tired, I just wanted to be done with it. After my surgery I was mildy depressed, I guess, I had already been a little behind on my work and it only continued to pile on tenfold after that. I have no idea how I survived. There are no excuses though, all that's left is to look forward to the future. I'll do better, I know I will.

Beyond Typography, which by the way is "the art and technique of arranging type, type design, and modifying type glyphs (fuuuuuuuuuun)," I've got Figure Drawing which I've been looking forward to forever, Art History II which I know that I'll adore, Race and Ethnic Relations, and Digital Photography.

I didn't mean to ramble about my courses. ):

I was going to talk about my love and there goes three ill-formed paragraphs with nothing to do with him, or anything really! But hey, it's a blog. A blog with no format or point other than to track my life and be a place to read them in the future.

I have a boyfriend, he's wonderful, too good for me to be quite frank. I've always thought he was cute, there was just something about him, something that I absolutely adored. I loved his sense of humor, he had an amazing taste in music, a sense of ambition, he had lots of fun, and he was just the sweetest thing ever. And he was cute. Very, very cute.

We were mere acquaintances for a very long time but we started to talk more and more and when we did, we just clicked. I could tell him absolutely anything and there was no one on earth I enjoyed talking to as much as him, lucky for me that feeling was a mutual one. It's a feeling I had never felt for anyone before, a complete trust and comfort, and I don't think I'll ever really feel it for anyone else either.

Eventually one thing led to another and we realized we both were crushing on one another, hard.

I hate using "crushing" like that, but we were.

We also realized that we'd be pretty perfect for one another. Well, we would be, except for one thing. Just one tiny little detail that was keeping us from having a lovely blossoming relationship.

There are about 2,500 miles separating us. Our whole country spans between us.

He's from California, I'm from Virginia. I sure know how to pick them.

He's come to visit once, an 8-day whirlwind that I'll never forget. Easily the most amazing week of my entire life. It cemented the fact that we were perfect for one another. It's the most remarkable thing to be so completely at ease with someone, to feel so safe, to be so completely happy with just the presence of another person. Just seeing him would make me crack a smile.

He asked me to be his girlfriend on this visit, even though we more or less already were, it just wasn't official. Plus, I wanted him to ask me in a more formal way, in person, when he was absolutely sure, and when I was too. I think if it was up to him he would have much sooner. We're working on 5 months now and it is far from easy.

I have no idea if it's because we've sort of reached that point where the "magic" of a new relationship has died out (which sucks because it was all apart) or if it's just the stress of the long distance, but our flawless perfection is now sprinkled with arguments. Some of them are minor, others not so much.

Solving an argument through indirect methods (which is all we have) is tough and honestly it's just a lot easier for that to make things worse. I hate fighting with him, but it happens, and quite often at times. I don't help since I'm stubborn and my grudge holding abilities are pretty spectacular. Oops. ):

When things are good though, they're really good. I have a feeling that if it wasn't for the distance and inability to be physically in contact with one another there wouldn't anywhere near as many arguments, if any at all. If I got grumpy about something, a reassuring hug would be more than enough to calm me down.

But our arms aren't quite that long.

One of the things I've realized is that I'm very afraid, I've never been in a relationship that I would consider a genuine one, and despite the distance this one certainly is; so I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

I'm afraid of the unknown so I'm terrified that I'm getting into something that's way over my head. I'm 19 and I've possibly met someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Lovely thought, and yet it is very terrifying, even if I'd like it more than anything.

For anything to happen a big change has to be made, one of us has to move towards the other. But what if we don't work? Then that life changing decision is just a waste, and it is a life changing decision, it's like starting a whole new life. At the same time I'm terrified that I'll mess something up, something that's meant to be because I'm too afraid of a potentially bad outcome.

I don't have any gut intuitive feelings about this and I wish I did, I wish I knew exactly what to do.

I know I care for him, I love him, the thought of him being with anyone else infuriates me, and I can't imagine myself with anybody else either.

And that is all that I know.

No one makes me as happy as he does, and no one can make me feel any sadder. This remarkable person is in my life and I'm incredibly lucky to be able to hold some claim on him. I love him, he loves me, this is all that we know.

It's not going to be easy to get started on a real future with one another, but I suppose it really never is. To know that, despite us not being a traditional couple, is comforting.

I don't want to miss my opportunity with the most amazing guy in the world. So despite my fears, as many as they may be, and despite my complete lack of any sort of knowledge, I want to focus on the fact that the happiest that I have ever been has been with him. And I want that happiness today, tomorrow, and every day to come.

suddenly interesting

2010-01-03T23:55:00.012-05:00

I always play with the idea of using the ampersand in some unique creative way, it's about the only thing interesting about my name, my last name being Andree.

Thelma is a lame name.

Little old ladies are named Thelma. At least I'm ahead of the game, I guess.

It's kind of sad that Andree won't be my name forever.

I had a little research binge, as I like to do occasionally. The internet and the quick rate of exchange of knowledge and general information, trivial or otherwise, fuels them from time to time. I'll pick a topic, become engrossed, and suddenly have to know everything about it.

Today it was about Andy Warhol.

Being an art student of sorts of course I knew who he was, I'm familiar with his iconic pieces and tidbits of Warhol(a) lore, but I'm no scholar. There are students in love with his stuff, and those silkscreen prints adorn a whole manner of wares out there in the world even today. I didn't quite understand it all that much, but I have that happen to me a lot.

Art is not a science. Art is wishy washy and based on opinions, even then only the "right" opinions are heard over the masses. But I digress, as an icon of the Pop Art movement he certainly deserves his fame and recognition, he was an interesting gentleman and with his fellow artists of the time, most notably Roy Lichenstein, Tom Wesselmann, Jasper Johns (amazing I might add) and so on, sort of made himself synonymous with the term: pop art. Each of them had their own angle and approach.

Warhol attempted to capture the spirit of the time, clearly his focus on popular culture was a result. I did not see the importance of his experiments in mass production and actually found a lot of distaste in learning that many Warhol pieces were merely signed by him once his assistants produced them for him. While he provided some instructions, often cases very little, his hand may not have even added a hint of color, or even selected them! How can he even claim that as his own work? But as I said, I don't understand a lot of things.

I sat in the Rothko room at the Phillips Collection in DC, for example, and was humbled by the magnitude of these enormous canvasses, but had no idea exactly why I was supposed to enjoy it beyond a striking visual aesthetic of pure harmonious color. Harmonious in a non-color wheel sense, of course, but harmonious in terms of a pleasing color palette to the eye. Of course later I learn that it was the emotions and memories one recalled upon witnessing the colors, and what one feels further with the heavier hues over it. And while I haven't returned to that particular gallery or to that room, even though I should, I do in fact remember an aura of reverence and solemnity in the small simple room, it's like a chapel to Rothko in a way. These enormous brooding canvasses did in fact summon emotions hidden away, boy was he ever successful. Similar "oh" moments can be found all over the place for me, I could go into suddenly having a grand amount of respect for Jackson Pollock because I no longer feel as if it's childplay on canvas, but more than that. It is so much more.

I don't know if I prefer art that is straightforward, because even when it appears to be there's always more to be discovered and considered. Artists are a different breed of people, after all. My on and off love affair with literary analysis was pretty significant, luckily that same mindset can be applied to art, and I am grateful for it. A mystery waiting to be unraveled. No wonder I enjoy Art History so much.

In any case, I didn't see Warhol's genius because all I saw was a stupid banana. Or a simple celebrity portrait. A mickey mouse. A box of brillo. A simple can of soup. Simple, simple, simple, variation, variation, variation.

In a word, boring. Colorfully boring, but boring nonetheless.

He painted a can of soup. Tomato soup, yes, arguably one of the better soups out there, especially of the canned and Campbell's variety (I personally love New England Clam Chowder though) and even more so when paired with grilled cheese. Though he didn't paint solely tomato soup, and such we began to unravel genius.

Having worked in commercial art for the beginnings of his career it'd be a given that it'd be accurate, as it was and remains. But I suppose the genius comes in the selection of such an iconic and widely recognized subject, like a lot of his better known works, and beyond that was his silkscreening processes in which he'd pop out hundreds of the image. Artists didn't mass produce art and here was Andy doing just that. Like the subject itself he could make many and he did. That mass production and that obsession with all things glamor, soup being glamorous as it was accessible by all, becomes then a reflection of the time period and the people who lived it. Suddenly he's a lot more interesting. His entire style became a statement then. Lined up like so they are infinitely more appealing.

Suddenly he's interesting, suddenly I get it. It was an "oh," moment.

Beyond his art which like most art, shouldn't be taken at face value, he did seem to be a pretty cool dude. I secretly harbor desires to become an artistically inclined socialite, perhaps to even garner the fifteen minutes of fame that Warhol so infamously coined.

Of course, he's surely grabbed much more than a mere fifteen.

do not go gentle into that good night

2010-01-03T23:48:00.004-05:00

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

flipping through

2010-01-02T23:17:00.005-05:00

Been waiting for the mail rather diligently lately, my brother is waiting on a little package, a replacement copy of Modern Warfare 2 should arrive soon. We purchased the game the day of release and that's also the day our relatively new Xbox burned it.

Gamestop isn't going to recommend buying scratch protection, but they'll be sure to try and push any and all reservations on you, of course. Who am I kidding, if they offered a job I'd take it in a heartbeat.

I'm a full time student, by full time student I mean never held an actual job.

Ever.

Going to school is the only thing I've ever done.

I turn 20 in March.

I worry that this tidbit of personal information will probably look really bad when I start looking for an internship and like, a real job! A real job not being a stint at the mall but something related to my dive into Graphic Design and the arts, as well as the whole higher education thing that my entire life revolves around at the moment. I mean, what 20-something female has zero work experience to tag onto her resume? THIS ONE RIGHT HERE! Freshman year flew by and I'm waiting for Spring of my second year already, I should definitely do something about it because the next two years are bound to go by quick as well. It's just my luck that this is the best time to look for a job ever, huh? |:

But let me take a sip of tea and compose myself, this was about the mail, the most exciting point of my winter break hermitage I have set up here in my home. It is a (mostly) temporary refuge.

His game didn't come, teehee.

Though it looked like it did, but of course the shipping label mentioned Gr8LakesBooks and I knew that the first of my books had come (I'm going to leave a positive review, that was quick!). There are 6 more packages on their way, not including that game replacement which cost me $20 bucks. I saved an incredible amount of money thanks to Amazon, I refuse to buy textbooks from my school store after last semester. Pure highway robbery man, they should be ashamed. Textbooks in general are just a horrible way to dig into a students empty pockets and checking accounts. ):

But it is a necessary evil, and being the nerd that I am there is a private thrill when receiving new books.

It's a photography book, Caputo's National Geographic Field Guide to People and Portraits and I've flipped through the first half. It's pretty nice. I am in no way a photographer--though I might have considered myself one on some shameful day of middle school--there's a lot in there that I might have thought about, but I certainly didn't know how to take advantage of those ideas and create a genuinely splendid photograph. But I'll talk more about artsy things in the future, what impressed me quite a bit is the author's inclusion of his own photography (of course), he's been all over the world.

I want to travel the world someday, I really do.

Having grown up fairly isolated, courtesy of a small strict hispanic upbringing, I haven't traveled a great deal. I've lived in Northern Virginia my entire life, I've visited my native country twice, and we occasionally go sunbathing at a Delaware beach. I've visited Washington D.C. of course, and once I drove down to South Carolina to visit a friend on Thanksgiving, she had moved from my area down there to friendlier climates and neighbors. I've never done these things alone though, like my parents would ever allow such a thing. Yes, I've been through much of Washington D.C. with friends, but being the "big" city nearby that isn't exactly an exotic locale (at least not to me).

I want to see new things, hear new sounds, and breath new scents; I want to experience lifestyles that are inherently different from my own.

I want to explore new things on my own terms. Not that I don't love my family, I usually do, but I've done everything with them, I had to, it was never an option. But they don't have the same interests that I do, far from it, and they don't want to do the same things I want to do. They're old-fashioned and cranky a lot of the time. College has allowed me a lot more freedom, thank goodness, and a lot more breathing room, but let's not forget I still live at home. I feel like everybody I know, and I mean everybody, has seen more and done more with their lives than I have.

There's time yet though.

So one day I will travel the world, and I will visit many different countries and see things people only see on glaring screens, I'll see things people only dream about, things they might not even realize can be dreamed about. I'll take pictures too, collect them, and one day gather them all in a book. It doesn't have to be published, though wouldn't it be nice if it could? So that I can look back, flip through them, and remember all the places I've seen and all of the things that I've done. Been there, done that.

It's not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when.

hi resolution

2010-01-01T23:43:00.002-05:00

THERE ARE ONLY A FEW MORE MINUTES LEFT IN THIS DAY.

Starting a blog on the first is just something I have to do, it's a good day to start something. A good day to start and genuinely commit to keeping (for at least a year) an actual recording of my life for others to read online, not that any necessarily will, of course. A New Year's Resolution! Everyone makes them, right? Though I doubt the success rate is very high at all, they're still made and kept for at least a few weeks.

Habits are hard to break, and they're also hard to start! Especially when you're set in your ways. So the minute I publish this I'm bookmarking it up there in my Safari toolbar with the rest of my daily sites.

Having a little collection of musings to look back on will be nice, I'm changing and growing and college is supposed to be the time of your life, huh?

In any case, I'm going to try really hard to keep this up, along with the other random things I'd like to change or better in my life.

The usual health resolution is in order although I've gotten more specific. I'm breaking up with soda, regular soda anyways, the diet fizzy stuff will do when I have a craving. I'm also going to try and get thirty minutes of exercise at least five times a week but hopefully more.

I want to write more (hence the blog) and I want to read more. I used to do both avidly.

I want to explore my surroundings more, I did a whole semester of reclusive routine to and from school, I want more than that. A concert a month, small or otherwise, would be fantastic.

I want to make sure that I try my hardest and put in the full effort that I can into everything that I do. Schoolwork both the intellectual and artistic endeavors require 100% of my attention and devotion, in any case going days without sleep this past semester has traumatized the procrastination out of me (mostly). All I do is go to school, why can't I pull a perfect transcript out of it?

I want to be more patient and caring, I want to garner more compassion and understanding, I have someone that loves me wholeheartedly and I want that to last. I want to learn how to love completely as well, I need to be less fearful.

This blog is a start.